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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30138123">Just For Tonight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolceevan/pseuds/Dolceevan'>Dolceevan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Dead Shannon Diaz (mentioned), Fainting, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Forced Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecure Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Internalized Homophobia, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Eddie Diaz/Ana Flores (9-1-1 TV), Nervous Evan "Buck" Buckley, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Strippers &amp; Strip Clubs (mentioned), alcohol (mentioned), slightly nsfw</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:28:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30138123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolceevan/pseuds/Dolceevan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Buck kissed him, the night of his bachelor party, Eddie didn't know he could start questioning his life choices.<br/>For his whole life he had to hide his feelings because of his very religious family; he buried his true self deep inside him and followed his parents' orders. But on that dancefloor, driven by the atmosphere and these new feelings that reemerged from the depths of his heart, Eddie decided to allow himself to be happy, just for that night.</p>
<p>The day after, when Buck tried to confront him after what happened the night before, Eddie denied everything, scared of his parents' reaction if they found out their perfect son fell in love with a man, the day before the wedding.<br/>“You're my best friend, and you'll be my best man at my wedding. Nothing more. Never”<br/>“I don't wanna be your best man, Eddie! I wanna be your man”.</p>
<p>Eddie keeps having second thoughts about his marriage even when Ana, his bride, is standing right in front of him...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>210</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just For Tonight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey! Thanks for stopping by :)<br/>This is my first fic, hope you enjoy! Please keep in mind English is not my first language, so there may be a few errors; feel free to point them out, so I can learn and do better!</p>
<p>(For the final part, I got inspired by Malec u.u)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie took a deep breath. He was standing in front of the full-length mirror of his changing room in the marriage venue Ana chose for their wedding: a huge hall made of glass walls and a beautiful crystal chandelier. Eddie noticed nothing else in the room when they first visited the place months ago, he didn't really care, as long as it made Ana happy.</p>
<p>It was a hot day of July, the sun was shining bright, almost blindingly, and the heat seemed to get through the glass walls, creating a sauna effect.</p>
<p>He had a weird feeling: he could feel shivers running down his spine, his heartbeat was faster, tiny drops of sweat beaded his forehead and he felt slightly nauseous.</p>
<p>“It's normal”, said Bobby, who was standing next to him and looking at him through the mirror. He was confused when Eddie called him that morning, asking if he could be his best man. “What about Buck?” he asked; “He's not coming” Eddie murmured, then hung up.</p>
<p>“I was nervous too when I married my darling, Athena”</p>
<p>“That was technically your second marriage, you already knew how this stuff works”</p>
<p>“It's your second marriage too, silly. It will be alright”. Bobby's hands reached the knot of Eddie's bowtie and fixed it.</p>
<p>Shannon. Eddie still dreamed of her from time to time. He missed her like crazy and still, he always forgot they were married. They spent so little time together, and when they did, they were too busy arguing and hating on each other.</p>
<p>“I know it can be scary, but the feeling will soon be gone. You're gonna spend the rest of your life with the woman you love, Diaz, that's more than amazing. Try to picture Ana walking towards you, smiling happily. Getting married can't be worse than war, right?”</p>
<p>Oh, but <em>it</em> <em>was</em> worse than war. This war wasn't out there in the world, it was inside his head. It sank its claws in his heart and it had no intention of letting go.</p>
<p>Eddie closed his eyes but, the harder he tried, the more Ana's memory faded out. Another face was in the frame, a very familiar face, a face Eddie never thought could outshine the one of his beautiful soon-to-be wife. Blue eyes were staring back at him in his mind, and a joyous laugh filled his ears. It was Buck, his best friend. The one he always ran to when he had a problem. The one who's always been there for him. The one who spoiled Christopher as if he was his son. The one who bought him a stupid coffee maker just to piss him off. The one who organized his bachelor party. The one who kissed him in the middle of the dance floor…</p>
<p>“I can't breathe” he whispered, fanning himself with the papers on which he wrote his vows. He felt as if he was about to pass out.</p>
<p>Bobby took a few steps back and looked at Eddie, a questioning look on his face. He didn't sound happy.</p>
<p>“Are you sure this is what you really want?” he asked, half worried and half amused. He expected Eddie to crack a joke, start laughing or say “Of course it is!”. Eddie didn't do any of those things. His body shook violently for a second, his skin was pale.</p>
<p>“<em>Are you sure this is what you really want?</em>” a reminiscence of Buck's voice roared repeatedly in his head, silencing everything else. The room started spinning fast around Eddie, small lights appeared in the corners of his blurred vision as everything slowly started turning black.</p>
<p>“I-…I don't know” he whispered, his eyes rolled back and he collapsed on the floor.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“Are we here yet?”. Buck snorted loudly at Eddie's impatience.</p>
<p>“Almost”</p>
<p>“You said almost, like, half an hour ago”</p>
<p>“I said we're almost there, now shut up and enjoy the view”</p>
<p>Eddie giggled, shaking his head. Buck insisted on blindfolding him before helping him get on the passenger's seat of his car and take him God knows where. It was the day of his bachelor party, and Buck said he had everything under control. Eddie wanted to believe him, for once.</p>
<p>When he left Christopher with Carla, he was nervous. He never left him alone for the night since Shannon decided to leave, and he didn't know if the morning after he would've been at home.</p>
<p>“He's in good hands” Buck said, winking at Carla.</p>
<p>“Have fun dad!”. Eddie knelt down to hug his son and then he walked out. He heard Chris say “Take care of him, Buck” before his best friend closed the door.</p>
<p>Christopher was very attached to Evan. It was strange for Eddie to see Chris getting along with him so well, cause he'd never seen his son open up like that with an adult before, and he loved to see him so happy every time he hung out with “his Buck”. <em>If I'm ever gonna fall in love</em>, he always thought, <em>it will be with somebody who loves Chris as much as I do.</em> And Buck seemed to fit perfectly with his standards. But Buck was not the right one.</p>
<p>After what seemed like ages to Eddie, the car finally stopped and Buck helped him get out.</p>
<p>“We're here” he announced excitedly, undoing the knot of Eddie's blindfold.</p>
<p>Eddie's eyes widened in surprise: Buck, Chimney, Josh, and the guys from 126 were standing in front of the <em>Red Lights</em>, one of the most famous nightclubs in LA. Eddie always wanted to go there, at least once in a lifetime, and he started wondering how Buck knew.</p>
<p>“You didn't-…<em>God</em>, you guys are amazing!”</p>
<p>“Ready to party, Diaz?” asked Judd, patting his shoulder. The others smiled, amused.</p>
<p>“You bet!”</p>
<p>As soon as the group walked in, their senses amplified: in front of them there was a very crowded dance floor, music was blasting through big black speakers, so loud it made the ground vibrate, purple lights were revolving all around the place and the heat raised fast.</p>
<p>“Man, this place is <em>huge</em>!” cheered Josh, looking at the glass stairs that lead to the second floor, reflecting the lights.</p>
<p>A group of half naked girls welcomed them and took them upstairs, where a few performers were dancing on stage and some of them were walking around the room serving drinks.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Eddie blinked slowly and looked around: Albert was chatting with two girls at once (one of them was sitting on his lap), Chim and Paul were ordering some more drinks, Josh was staring lovingly at the male performer who was dancing on stage that moment, TK and Carlos were making out on the couch next to his, Judd was texting Grace, promising her he was behaving. They all looked pretty wasted, but they were enjoying themselves. And Buck, Buck was looking at him, a soft smile on his face. His shirt was unbuttoned, just like Eddie's, a necklace made of fake pink flowers was hanging from his neck and his cheeks were rosy, he couldn’t tell if it was for the heat or all the alcoholic drinks he had.</p>
<p>Evan got closer and asked: “Wanna hit the dance floor?”, almost yelling in his ear to drown out the loud disco music surrounding them.</p>
<p>“Sure” yelled Eddie in return and he got up from the velvet couch he was sitting on.</p>
<p>Buck took his hand and guided him downstairs, towards the middle of the dance floor; hundreds of sweaty and hot bodies moved all around them, making Eddie feel dazed. He grabbed Buck's wrist with his free hand, not wanting to lose him among that chaos and he felt better when Buck tightened his grip.</p>
<p>When Buck stopped, Eddie didn't let go of his hand and Evan didn't seem to mind. Somehow, being surrounded by people appeared to give more intimacy than being alone on the velvet couch.</p>
<p>Eddie moved, trying to follow the rhythm of the music but failing miserably. “I'm not much of a dancer” he confessed, one day. “Oh, so there <em>is</em> something you can't do, huh?” Buck scoffed, earning a playful punch on the shoulder. And now, on that dance floor, he was proving it.</p>
<p>Buck let out a joyous, drunken laugh and Eddie's heart twirled. The other laughter that had the same effect on him was his son's, the person he loved most.</p>
<p>Eddie didn't even realize he was still holding Buck's hand until the blue-eyed man raised it towards his lips and kissed its knuckles. Heath radiated from the spot where Evan's lips touched his skin through his whole body, and he swore he could feel butterflies in his stomach. <em>This is wrong</em>, growled his father’s voice in his mind. <em>Make him yours</em>, whispered his heart.</p>
<p>Eddie blinked a few times. The alcohol, loud music and psychedelic lights revolving around him blurred his mind, making everything look surreal, ethereal. <em>Is this just a dream? </em>Eddie wasn't sure.</p>
<p>“Buck” he murmured, more to himself than the other guy. His free hand touched Evan's bare torso, pausing on his racing heart. His skin was warm, soft, some invisible hairs were tickling the side of his palm.</p>
<p>Eddie freed himself from Buck's hold and placed both his hands on his hips. He looked up and locked his gaze on his best friend’s eyes. <em>Tell me I'm not dreaming, let me know this is real. I need this to be real.</em></p>
<p>Buck seemed to read his thoughts as if Eddie was an open book. He slowly put his hand on the side of Eddie's face, nervously, as Eddie closed his eyes in anticipation.</p>
<p>“May I?” Evan whispered, only a couple of inches away from his mouth. Eddie heard himself say “Please” before feeling Buck's soft lips on his. Electric shocks ran through Eddie's veins, making him feel alive. The world slowly slipped away, the music faded to a hollow sound, time stopped and they were the only thing left in the room. Just the two of them and nothing else. It was intense, thrilling, powerful. He never felt like this with Ana. He never felt like this with Shannon. He never felt like this with any other girl.</p>
<p>Eddie whispered an “<em>Oh</em>” as he realized: <em>this is real</em>. <em>Buck is real.</em> He was right there this whole time, in front of him, and he was real. Buck was his comfort zone, the only one he trusted around his son, and he knew that, even when there was nothing left, Buck would’ve been there with him. <em>He's the one I want.</em></p>
<p><em>You can't have him, you're engaged!</em> roared the half of him who still wanted to be faithful to his fiancee.</p>
<p><em>Just for tonight </em>cried out the other half, deafening.</p>
<p>Eddie's heart raced, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he made up his mind. <em>Just for tonight, I'll allow myself to be truly happy.</em></p>
<p>Eddie was the one to kiss Buck this time; a hungry, needy kiss. As he felt Buck smile, he tightened his grip on the other man's hips and pulled him closer, so hard Buck's pelvis collided against his, causing a groan from both of them. Eddie's tongue explored the insides of Evan's mouth as the sweet, fruity taste of the “sex on the beach” slid down his throat. Buck's hands crawled up the back of Eddie's neck and took a fistful of his chocolate brown hair, making him go crazy.</p>
<p>For the first time in months, Eddie felt genuinely happy. For the first time in years, Eddie felt <em>loved</em>.</p>
<p>Evan broke the kiss first, out of breath, and chuckled happily. They stayed still as their breathing steadied, their foreheads touching. Buck's arms were still wrapped around Eddie's neck, Eddie's hands were still on Buck's hips.</p>
<p>Buck tilted his head to the right and got closer to Eddie's ear. “Your belt is unbuckled”.</p>
<p>Eddie looked down: his belt was <em>definitely </em>unbuckled. Probably one of the girls undid it while giving him a lap dance. He didn't even realize, he was too busy glancing at Buck over the dancer’s shoulder.</p>
<p><em>Just for tonight,</em> he reminded himself.</p>
<p>“Why don't you fix it?” he smirked, suddenly feeling brave.</p>
<p>Evan's eyebrows raised for a moment, then he smirked back at him.</p>
<p>“Eddie Diaz, this is not very appropriate for a soon-to-be married man”.</p>
<p>“I don't wanna be appropriate. Not tonight” replied Eddie, not wanting his responsibilities to ruin it all. He was there with Buck, the person whom he wanted to be at the moment. <em>I wanna cherish every single second of this. Fuck everything, it’s just him and I now.</em></p>
<p>“Are you gonna do it or not?”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes sir</em>”. The feeling of Buck's hands all over him, tugging at his belt to buckle it up was much more than Eddie could bear.</p>
<p>“Aren't you enjoying this a bit too much?” Buck asked, amused, <em>feeling</em> Eddie's excitement.</p>
<p>“Shut up” Eddie groaned, kissing his neck.</p>
<p>Buck's cologne filled his lungs as he left a trail of small kisses from the base of Evan's neck to his jaw.</p>
<p>
  <em>I want this moment to last forever.</em>
</p>
<p>The magic faded fast as their friends approached. Eddie quickly pushed Buck away and took a few steps back as Chimney appeared on his field of view. Everything went back to normal: people were still dancing around them, the music swallowed up all the small sounds and him and Buck were back to being friends.</p>
<p>He felt as if someone threw a bucket full of cold water right on his face, and the excitement he felt a few seconds before flowed out of his body. A sudden wave of sadness drowned him.<em> What were you thinking? Nothing lasts forever</em>. <em>This moment is now a memory you'll have to bury deep inside you for the rest of your life</em>.</p>
<p>“Are you enjoying your party?” asked Paul, holding one a fancy drink with one of those little paper umbrellas. Chimney was holding two beers and held one out for Eddie.</p>
<p>He glanced at Buck, who was scratching the back of his neck; the smile disappeared from his face.</p>
<p>The picture of his disappointed parents flashed before his eyes. <em>What have I done?</em></p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Eddie woke up on his couch, mid-day. Christopher was out with Carla, and he was <em>so</em> grateful for that; he didn’t want his kid to see him vomit on the floor. Truth is, he wasn't as drunk as he thought he was, the night before.</p>
<p>He sat up and massaged his pulsing temples, as memories from last night reemerged in his mind. He remembered hugging the guys from 126 and thanking them for the unforgettable night; greeting John, Albert and Chimney as they stumbled towards Maddie's car while she yelled “<em>I'm not your uber!!</em>”, and the silent drive home at 5 a.m. He remembered Buck helping him find his keys, Buck giving him a glass of water, Buck turning the lights off and leaving. <em>Buck, Buck, Buck</em>. He was all he could think about.</p>
<p>He snapped back to reality when his phone started ringing and the name “Buck” appeared on the screen as it lit up.</p>
<p>
  <em>Just for tonight, you said. That moment is gone, you gotta do the right thing now.</em>
</p>
<p>Eddie took a deep breath, his hands shaking as he took the phone in his hands.</p>
<p>“I gotta do the right thing” he murmured, as he put his heart on silent mode and picked up.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Heyy, it's uh, it's me, Buck”</p>
<p>“Yeah Buck, I know it's you”. He heard a nervous laughter coming from the other side of the phone.</p>
<p>“Right, uhm…how are you feeling? Headaches? Nausea?”</p>
<p>“Nah, I'm good. You needed something?”</p>
<p>“Actually, I-…yes, I wanted to…to talk about what happened yesterday”. Eddie froze.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“C'mon buddy, don't play it cool. You know what I'm talking about”</p>
<p>“Buck you were shitfaced, I doubt you remember anything from last night, I surely don't” replied Eddie, snorting a laugh at the end.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re such a bad liar, Diaz.</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh no, I remember. I remember you couldn't get your eyes off of me, even when those dancers ripped your shirt apart, or kissed your neck. I remember I asked you to dance and I laughed at your clumsiness. I remember when you touched my chest-”</p>
<p>“Buck”</p>
<p>“Or when you kissed me”</p>
<p>“<em>You</em> kissed me first”. Evan giggled.</p>
<p>“You see? You remember”</p>
<p>
  <em>It's not easy for me, Buck. Last night I tasted freedom, happiness, love. Knowing I will never feel like that again kills me.</em>
</p>
<p>“That's not the point-”</p>
<p>“And I remember how you kissed me, and how you were clinging onto me as if you were scared of letting go. I remember how you looked at me”</p>
<p>“You're making this up, Buck, I did nothing like that”</p>
<p>“You literally had a hard on-”</p>
<p>“<em>Stop it</em>!”. Buck paused for a moment and sighed.</p>
<p>“Eddie, I…I'm in love with you. There, I said it. I'm <em>in love</em> with you”. Eddie felt a lump in his throat and his eyes were itching. <em>I love you too, Buck. I love you so much it scares me.</em></p>
<p>“I just wanted you to know that when I kissed you, I meant it. And I know, <em>I know</em> what I did was wrong cause you're-…I would've never done that if you-”</p>
<p>“If I what?”</p>
<p>“If you didn’t feel the same.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Please, Buck, please, it's already hard for me to do this, don't make it impossible.</em>
</p>
<p>“I know you won’t admit it, but we both know it’s true. I know touch is your love language, and yesterday…when you placed your hand on my chest, I-…I <em>felt</em> something. And when you looked at me your eyes were full of hope, I’d dare to say you were, uhm…y-you were waiting for me to kiss you. You wanted me to make a move, didn’t you?”</p>
<p><em>Yes.</em> “No, I was just…confused”</p>
<p>“Confused?” asked Buck, sarcastically.</p>
<p>“Buck, listen. This is wrong, okay? We were drunk, we were overwhelmed by the atmosphere, low lights, people kissing. Us, together…it will <em>never</em> be possible”</p>
<p>“Why? Because of your family? You're so scared of what they think that you're willing to throw away your happiness to please them?”</p>
<p>Eddie paused. Buck got it right. It was exactly because of his family.</p>
<p>They wanted their little perfect son to have a normal family, a normal life, with a <em>wife</em> and kids. Eddie always felt attracted to boys, but there was no place for homosexuality in his deeply catholic family. His whole life he had to learn how to hide his feelings, living a life that felt too tight, uncomfortable. He knew everyone would’ve been disappointed in him if he didn't fit the cookie-cuttered life his family chose for him and, most importantly, they would've taken Chris away from him. “A child needs a <em>mother</em> <em>and</em> a <em>father</em>” they told him when Shannon died, and he had to find another girl to fill her void. He couldn't risk it all, even if it meant living a loveless life. For years he heard the words “you like girls”, “you’ll marry a beautiful woman”, “boys must be with girls”; he told himself so many of these lies he no longer recognized the truth at all.</p>
<p>
  <em>And I was doing just fine until you walked into my life and awakened my true self. I was doing just fine until you touched my soul and offered me freedom. I was doing just fine until you, Evan Buckley, kissed me on that damned dancefloor, giving me a taste of what being in love feels like.</em>
</p>
<p>“You don't understand”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing wrong with you, Eddie, believe me. It's okay to be scared, this feeling of oppression and self-hate that consumes you, I’ve been there too, I know-”</p>
<p>“You know <em>nothing</em>, Buck, you really don't”</p>
<p>“Then help me understand, don't push me away, I’m begging you”</p>
<p>
  <em>Lord, give me the strength…I have no other choice.</em>
</p>
<p>Something suddenly changed in Eddie and rage took over him. <em>You brought out the part of me I’ve desperately tried to hide for my whole life and now I can’t go back. You made me crave this new freedom you gave me…and I hate you for that.</em></p>
<p>“You wanna understand, huh? I’ll tell you how things went: I was drunk and you took advantage of it!” he barked out, aggressively. Buck gasped at the sudden tone change.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?!”</p>
<p>“You heard me perfectly! I was drunk and you decided to put your needs before me! You know I’m engaged, you can’t just come out the day before my wedding and say “I love you”, that’s not how it works!”</p>
<p>“Cause now you’re having second thoughts” Evan murmured. It didn’t sound like a question, it was a statement.</p>
<p>
  <em>Stop giving voice to my thoughts. Stop reading me like a book. Stop knowing me so well.</em>
</p>
<p>“<em>Dear God</em>, you’re exhausting! Stop pushing it on me, you know I don’t feel the same!”</p>
<p>“Then why did <em>you</em> kiss me? And don’t tell me you were drunk cause that’s bullshit”</p>
<p>Eddie snorted loudly; he was frustrated. Buck was testing him, pushing him to his limits; he wasn’t stupid, he knew Eddie felt the same, he was sure of it. And he wasn’t wrong.</p>
<p>
  <em>You see right through me. My heart was a safe space and I’ve been emotionally scared to let anyone in, until you came along. You drained the fear from me and made my bones shake, you opened my eyes and brought colors in my black-and-white life. You broke down the walls I built to protect myself and let the light shine bright in me. You laughed and flowers started growing in my arid, gray mind. Your touch alone brought me back to life after years of numbness.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you…but I gotta let you go.</em>
</p>
<p>“I’m gonna get married tomorrow, there’s nothing you can say or do to make me change my mind. I’ve made a promise, and I’m gonna keep it”</p>
<p>“Are you sure this is what you really want?” Buck asked, his voice cracked a little. <em>He’s about to cry, you’re making him cry. </em>Eddie avoided answering once again, tears threatened to fall from his now watery eyes.</p>
<p>“You're my best friend, and you'll be my best man at my wedding. Nothing more. Never”</p>
<p>“I don't wanna be your best man, Eddie! I wanna be <em>your man</em>”</p>
<p><em>Then come here, hold me close, tell me everything will be fine. Wake me up from this nightmare I'm trapped in, come save me from myself </em>he wanted to scream.</p>
<p>Instead, he forced himself to say: “I already have a fiancee, whom I wanna spend the rest of my life with”. Not even he believed those words, and Buck noticed the uncertainty in his voice.</p>
<p>“You can't be serious. We can go through this together, if you could just give me a chance, I promise-”</p>
<p>“Just stop it, Evan! I love Ana Flores, why can't you get it through your thick skull?!”</p>
<p>“You <em>love</em> her?? Eddie, you still call her <em>Ana Flores</em>! Who the fuck calls their lover by their full name?! It's very formal and cold, if you ask me”</p>
<p>“Well, I'm <em>not</em> asking you. You have no business in telling me what <em>I </em>should do in <em>my</em> relationship, you don’t even have one! Have you ever had a girlfriend?? Has someone ever even <em>loved you</em>?”. Eddie regretted those last words as soon as they came out of his mouth.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh earth, please open up and swallow me whole.</em>
</p>
<p>The silence coming from the other side of the phone was deafening and broke Eddie's heart more and more every second passing. He knew someone loved Buck, precisely because <em>he</em> loved him. He loved him more than he loved anyone else in his life, apart from Christopher. But, of course, he couldn't say it out loud. Not now that he was about to get married and please his family. Not now that it was too late. <em>Too late</em>.</p>
<p>After a couple of never-ending minutes, Buck simply said: “Right. How foolish of me to think <em>you</em> did”, his stone-cold voice chilled Eddie's bones.</p>
<p>“Buck, wait, I didn't-”</p>
<p>“Don't bother calling me tomorrow, I won't be there. I wish you and <em>Ana Flores</em> a happy life. I’m sure she loves you better than I can” he said, in a mocking tone, then he hung up.</p>
<p>
  <em>When did I become so cold? When did I let fear take over me once again? Where is the real me?</em>
</p>
<p>Eddie got up and threw a punch at the white wall, leaving a small blood stain. He wasn’t so sure he did the right thing. <em>My mind is so full of regrets and it just keeps getting fuller, it seems.</em></p>
<p>He sighed and dialed a different number; the person picked up a few moments later.</p>
<p>“Edmundo!”</p>
<p>“Hey babe”</p>
<p>“How was your night?” Ana asked in a cheerful tone. Eddie felt guilty.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, you have no idea.</em>
</p>
<p>“I love you” he said suddenly, without answering the question.</p>
<p>
  <em>You love Ana Flores, Eddie. You love her and nobody else. She's your bride, you chose her. YOU CHOSE HER, never forget that.</em>
</p>
<p>“I love you too, Edmundo” she replied, then started talking about something, Eddie wasn't paying attention.</p>
<p><em>You love Ana Flores. You love Ana Flores. You love Ana Flores.</em> He kept repeating it in his mind but the more he tried to convince himself, the more it sounded fake.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>When Eddie recovered his senses, Bobby, Hen and Chim were in the room. He was laying on the floor, his head on Hen's lap.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” asked Bobby as Chimney and Hen helped Eddie get up.</p>
<p>Eddie nodded, still feeling a bit bewildered by the whole situation.</p>
<p>“Come on, it's time!”. Howard and Henrietta left together and Bobby put a small bunch of white flowers in the breast pocket of Eddie's tuxedo.</p>
<p>“Ready?”</p>
<p>“More or less” replied Eddie, giggling nervously.</p>
<p>Eddie zoned out for most of the ceremony. He was paralyzed, a fake smile stuck on his face. Buck’s words kept hunting him: “<em>There’s nothing wrong with you</em>”, “<em>How foolish of me to think you did</em>”. He tried not to think about it.</p>
<p><em>Coward</em>, Buck's voice whispered harshly in his head. <em>Shut up</em> he replied, but he knew it was true.</p>
<p>Eddie's eyes darted from one face to another, scanning the room. Buck was not there.</p>
<p>
  <em>I've got him stuck on my mind like a tattoo. On my wedding day.</em>
</p>
<p>Then Ana entered the room: she was wearing a beautiful lacey dress, her veil was kept in place by a shiny tiara and she was holding a bouquet of white flowers that matched the ones Bobby put on Eddie. She was mesmerizing. And for a brief moment, Eddie thought he could've done this. Ana was beautiful, brilliant, kind, she loved Chris, his family was happy and they got along pretty well.</p>
<p>
  <em>She deserves someone who can love and cherish her like she deserves. And I can't give her that kind of love.</em>
</p>
<p>He took her hands as soon as she reached him. He wanted to feel half the emotions Buck made him feel, but nothing happened. He went back to his numbness, his black-and-white life.</p>
<p>“EDDIE”</p>
<p>Everyone turned their heads towards the entrance, Eddie's heart skipped a beat: Buck was standing on the doorstep, the sunlight surrounding him, making him look like an angel. He was wearing a charcoal gray suit and a blue tie that matched his irises. His eyes were puffy, his cheeks and nose were pinkish, the remains of hours spent crying.</p>
<p>“Buck?” Eddie called out, the room filled with whispers.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>Buck took a few steps towards him, unsure of what to do next. He studied the words carefully before speaking.</p>
<p>“I…I'm your best friend. I'm here to support you on this special day. Our life is like a book, right? I'm here to wish you and your beautiful wife the best of luck in this new chapter you're gonna write together.”</p>
<p>Eddie was speechless. <em>Is Buck giving up on me? Like this?</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I can’t lose him.</em>
</p>
<p><em>“Are you sure this is what you really want?”</em>, both Buck and Bobby asked in his mind, at the same time. Eddie couldn’t keep his eyes off of Buck. <em>He came here. He came here for me. He's not giving up on me, he’s giving me a chance.</em></p>
<p>“Edmundo, dear…are you okay?” asked Ana, cupping Eddie's left cheek with her small hand.</p>
<p>
  <em>It's now or never, Eddie. It's Ana or Buck. It's obedience or freedom. It's lies or love. For the rest of your life.</em>
</p>
<p><em>You deserve to be happy</em>, said his heart.</p>
<p><em>You deserve to feel loved</em>, agreed his mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>I can't do this. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I gave up on everything I love, just for my homophobic family. Twice. It’s not worth it.</em>
</p>
<p>“Ana, I’m afraid I can’t marry you. You’re amazing, you really are, but-”</p>
<p>“It’s alright, Edmundo, you don’t have to explain. I saw the way you look at him every time he enters the room, how you laugh at his jokes even when they’re not funny, and how your heart starts beating faster whenever you’re with him. I wanna marry someone who loves me as much as you love him” she said, smiling softly. Eddie knew she was sad, but she didn’t show it.</p>
<p>“I wish you the best” he whispered, kissing her cheek.</p>
<p>The guests looked at each other, confused. “What is going on?” was the only thing that came out of their mouths.</p>
<p>“<em>Edmundo Diaz, </em>what do you think you’re doing?? What is this??” growled Eddie’s father, getting up from his seat.</p>
<p>“This, father, is me choosing happiness. I’m done living by your rules, with my head low. I’m done letting you make decisions for me; I’ve already done that with Shannon, I’m not making this mistake twice”</p>
<p>“This is wrong! You’re choosing <em>a man</em>??” cried out his mother. Eddie looked at Buck, who was staring at him in shock, just like the rest of the room.</p>
<p>“I’m not choosing <em>a man</em>, I’m choosing <em>the man</em> I love. I’m choosing the man who makes me feel loved, who made me realize that there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m choosing to accept myself as I am, I’m not hiding anymore. I’m choosing <em>me</em> over you”</p>
<p>Christopher got up and walked towards his father; Eddie knelt down to be on his level.</p>
<p>“I’m proud of you, dad” he said, loud enough to be heard by his grandparents, then he hugged Eddie, who almost started crying. The guests awed, happily.</p>
<p>After a few moments, Eddie got up and started walking towards Buck; his legs felt like gelatin, his head was spinning.</p>
<p>“Your love is <em>wrong</em>” barked out his father, making Eddie stop. He turned around, facing Mr. Diaz directly, then smiled sarcastically.</p>
<p>“Then I don’t wanna be right”.</p>
<p>Everyone in the room cheered and clapped as Eddie finally reached Evan.</p>
<p>“I-I’m not here to give you problems, Eddie. I just came here to be your best man, I didn’t-” stuttered Buck, who was still confused about what just happened. He couldn’t believe it.</p>
<p>“I don't want you to be my best man” Eddie muttered, grabbing his tie. “I want you to be my man”.</p>
<p>And with that said, Eddie kissed Buck. It wasn't rough, like on the dance floor. It was slow, passionate, full of love. Fireworks exploded in Eddie’s heart and he felt as light as a feather. <em>I’m finally free, I can finally be myself.</em></p>
<p>“I knew he was playing on our team” smirked T.K., making Carlos chuckle.</p>
<p>“Waiting for my 10 bucks” whispered Hen, holding out her hand towards Chimney and Bobby.</p>
<p>“I’m glad he found his happiness” thought Ana, looking at them.</p>
<p>“This is gross! <em>Unacceptable</em>!!” yelled Eddie’s mother as she stormed out of the hall, followed by the rest of the Diaz family. Eddie couldn’t care less.</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t need them. Everything I want is right here, in this room.</em>
</p>
<p>“You're not gonna call me <em>Evan Buckley</em>, are you?” asked Evan, trying not to laugh.</p>
<p>“Shut up” Eddie giggled, then kissed him again.</p>
<p>
  <em>It won't be just for one night, now. It will be for the rest of my life.</em>
</p>
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